The definitive guide to hiding stuff
I might as well say up front that O’Reilly isn't kidding. No one on this planet--or any other--knows where the original Quantum Chamber he invented is exactly. We've seen it, and so has everyone else. (We'll get to that in a minute.) But as of now it's shrouded in a mystery deeper than the most enigmatic maze of cryptographic conundrums ever conceived at the bottom of an abyss. Essentially what I'm saying is that if you're looking to find it, don't bother. There's no point. Not for the layman. If anyone's going to find it, it will be the industry professionals at Reil Island, our private research facility dedicated to reverse engineering O’Reilly’s inventions. Unfortunately, the book itself has been banned from interdimensional disclosure, so we can’t show you any of it. But there is this:
THE DISAPPEARING ACT
As for O’Reilly, the famously hypnotic psycho-physicist, we have yet to question him about his book on account of the fact that he's, "in a coma and can't come to the phone right now." And whenever we e-mail him we get an out-of-office reply stating "I'M DEAD>" and that's it. Now, there are hundreds, I mean literally thousands of people who don't believe that for obvious reasons--and the not so obvious. First of all, how can he be dead AND in a coma? Secondly, extensive vocal analysis has determined that there is a 51% chance he recorded the voicemail greeting himself. Although, it should be noted that coma's are often medically induced, and therefore he could've recorded it any number of minutes prior. Also A.I. is capable of imitating a person's voice with 98% accuracy. So its anyone's guess.
Some outlying theories are:
-He cryogenically froze himself
-He changed his name and left no forwarding address
-He shot himself into deep space and is now living the high life in an invisible bio-dome
-He travelled back in time to 13th century BCE and gave people cellphones just to f--k with them.
Regarding the last theory: Supposedly the ancient geniuses tried to make their own--- failed miserably because they used clay---and then buried them in their backyards so we could dig them up hundreds of years later and call it a hoax. Great joke O’Reilly.
If there's anything that is true about Mr. O’Reilly, it's this: He was very attractive. Over the course of his life he found himself in the arms of many, many, many lovers. And sexual partners. In fact, people were hesitant to work with him for fear of their co-workers (or themselves) being seduced. He was a tour-de-menage with broad shoulders, a chiseled jaw, and rippling abs that he kept hidden under no circumstance. Several of his personal assistants had to quit, claiming they were "too satisfied," by their career choice. It's a wonder anything ever got done, to be frank.
Despite these shag-nanigans, O’Reilly's science experiments managed to gain notoriety in the public eye. Sure, his hair stuck out in all different directions---as if he had just been electrocuted. And maybe he shouldn't've drank ayahuasca everyday with breakfast, but, the fact remains that the crowd loved him. He channeled his eccentricity like no one else, and every time he presented his work to the world of academia it was a veritable magic show. This talent paved the way for what would take place in November of 2025.
In a record setting showcase, viewed by more people than every golf tournament combined, O’Reilly presented what he called, “The Quantum Rainbow Chamber" to the masses. The show took place on the fifth by his request. He said that people would be more likely to remember it that way—whatever that means. It was broadcast LIVE on every device everywhere, and all aircraft in the skies played the announcers voice over loudspeakers. The physical location of the show was a very popular baseball stadium in Los Angeles, and people couldn't have been more stoked. It was supposed to rain, but thanks to the WMAAAOP (Weather Modification Association of America and All Other Places) no one had to put up with any sogginess until the show was over and they were walking back to the parking lot.
Exactly what took place during the show is pretty difficult to describe. One of those, "you had to be there," situations. But basically O’Reilly—along with his friend and associate Edward Romsfeld—used the chamber to mutually connect their brains to a neuro-quantum computer. In other words two people shared the same consciousness with a quantum computer for the first time in human history. Lightning struck ominously at the exact moment of connection, which was a surreal site on such a clear day, and then something miraculous happened. Everyone in the crowd received a personalized text message with a minimum of ten emoji's. While formulating and sending these texts with their minds, Ed and O’Reilly also carried on multiple conversations simultaneously. They discussed the chemical composition of the exoplanets they were discovering in real-time, and debated the ending of Nolan Christopher's latest b-movie, Enter Stella. It was fantastic—albeit slightly horrifying—but fantastic. After the show was over they lied about attending a T-shirt/butt signing, and instead flew to the Cayman Islands to celebrate privately. They weren't seen again until the next time. When O’Reilly's book came out he did attend the Book/boob signing, and the sheer volume of shirtless dudes that showed up was astounding. At the end of the twenty minute event O’Reilly thanked everyone for coming to his birthday party, got into his hovering limousine, and disappeared without a trace. He's been titilating the world with his absence ever since.
/ / / //+LOVER BOB
