Welcome to
Rollins’ ROOM
“Just ask the Stache. I’m gonna have an Old Fashioned myself.” Rollins walks over to the cabinet with the mustache on it and yells, “You got any beer?” And out pops an ice cold Rocky Mountain Brew and one Old fashioned for him. “Now I’m no expert,” Rollins continues, handing you the beer but otherwise ignoring your existence, “But the Angostura bitters their using down there are a little heavy in the Gentian for an authentic 1881 Old Fashioned. They didn’t start making them that way until at least the Nineties. The Nineteen Nineties that is. Not that I’m complaining. I just know what I’m lookin for. I’m gonna have to give Andy a stern talking to. Andy’s the bartender at The Stache, a perfectly humanoid android fully capable of such levels of precision that he can cut a lemon into eight identically sized pieces in mid air but he can’t manage to order the right damn ingredients. Total hack when it comes down to it. But you probably already knew that. I could probably do better myself if I had the time. But what am I supposed to do? I manage GreenSleeves, schedule every comedian at The Stache—even though frickin’ Blaze said he would do it—and I’m getting my pilot’s license during the day, and I’m trying to get a good portfolio of Reviews going. Rollin’s Reviews, you’ve probably heard of it. I was the first person to ever get upset at movie reviewers for constantly giving away the plot and never actually reviewing the content of movies. Seriously does no one watch films anymore? I mean really watch them. Whenever I read movie reviews I don’t get anything out of it. They just tell you the plot! That’s not a review that’s a summary! Do I have to be the one to point these things out?! Anyway, I spend I a lot of time in the theatre now. Oh and did I mention I’m the camera man AND director for damn near every production we do? Do I have to do everything around here? Anyway, drinks of the this quality are just not acceptable at one of my own establishments. It’s just shoddy worksmanship. If I wouldn’t drink there, why should you? I mean, I do drink there, I drink there all the time, but that’s beside the point. I like to party, sue me. But if I can’t get a half decent cocktail at my own goddamn peanut gallery what is this all even about. And don’t even get me started on the color of the frickin’……” Rollins takes a healthy swig of his Old Fashioned, lights a cigarette, and looks out the window as he trails on about god knows what, and you find yourself slowly backing away towards the door until… finally… at long last…
You’re out.
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Without a doubt, Rollins is the only person we know capable of blowing the perfect smoke bubble. He really knows his tobacco. He also knows about beer. He can drink anyone under the table in a matter of minutes. “You guys don't know how to party," he often says. When Rollins first joined The Red Rainbow, Blaze suggested he specialize in HUMOR, but Rollins said he didn't need to because, “they'd be getting their best material from him anyway." Instead he decided to make himself head of the FILM department due to the fact that, “none of them knew how to watch movies." On his free time he rides up and down the coast crashing his motorcycle, and occasionally poses for magazines that need to increase their stock collection of risqué. He used to manage a string of coffee shops in the greater Santa Barbara region, but after receiving several awards for his Latte Art, he left it all behind. “I'm so damn good at it I might as well start my own coffee company," he said at the time. A mere two years later he's doing just that. On top of his FILM blog Rollins' Reviews, he is responsible for co-creating Greensleeves (partnered with Blaze Bronson) andThe Stache. The first being a revolutionary operation that popularized THC Coffee, and the second being a bar/personalized beer delivery system the likes of which the world has never seen. He also played a pivotal role in bringing Snowy Mountain Pass to the silver screen. That's how he earned his stripes, and boy does he know it.
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