“NAH, IMMA STAY.”
Hello… And welcome to the NOT YOGA Luxury Spa & Meditation Center… located in the Exterior Realm of your Interior Heart Space… which is manifesting now as a relaxing oasis within the The Red Rainbow… which is a place within the matrix of Universal Eternal Light flowing through and out of your physical vessel as a Multi-Dimensional space wherein you exist in the Oneness of your being alongside all other beings…. People, places, animals, and plants, who are all expressions of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions… as you too are an expression of the fullness of theirs… rendering each a fractalized facet of a single lonely individual who has stirred up a cloud of dust in a void of nothingness that isn’t anywhere. So… Are You Relaxed?
Um…
NO? Well then let us help you with that. Here we offer a wide variety of services to assist you, and in some cases force you, to relax. First on the list are the Candlit Rooms of Serenity. In these rooms there is no furniture, no decorations, and no talking allowed. You may sit, or stand, lay down, the choice is yours. There are communal rooms, and individual rooms, whichever suits your fancy. You can be in there as long as you want. Don’t even worry about it. Seriously. No matter how long you are in there, whenever you leave the room, be it hours, or days—not recommended—only five minutes will have passed in real life. I’d explain to you how this works, but that’s The Scientist’s job, not mine.
Revivification
Next, we have the Infinity Pool of Forever. Here you may luxuriate in a private pool that seemingly goes on… you guessed it… Forever. While you are in these pools, whatever infirmities you may have will be temporarily lifted, we guarantee it. We wish the effects could be permanent, but we have yet to effectively affect that effect. For now you’ll just have to bask in the momentary alleviation of all your physical, mental, and emotional woes as you float aimlessly about.
Hands on, hands off
Our third option for you is twofold. First, you go for a nice calm massage. It’s not THAT calm, it’s actually pretty jarring. It’s deep tissue and truly uncomfortable, meant to clear all your muscular tension and blockages. Speaking of blockages, after your massage you’ll don a plush robe, drink an enormous quantity of mineral water, and be sent over to the Crystal Cove to have all 114 Chakras and 72,000 Energy channels cleared and aligned. The Crystal Cove achieves this by means that are difficult to describe. That’s another one for The Scientists, but, essentially these Crystals, combined with certain frequencies and tones, will do all the work as you sit there slightly afraid. When its all over and you’re on your way to the restroom to pee out the mineral water you drank earlier, you’ll feel far better than you ever have before.
And Finally…
The Meditation Center
Be here For now
Welcome to the place you were probably looking for in the first place… The Meditation Center. Here, Silverton McCord does One of Two things. Either he leaves you alone because you know full well how to sit in one place and think about nothing for an indefinite period of time. Or, he offers to teach you his very own meditation technique, Zero-Pointed Meditation. That may sound like a pun, and yes, yes it is.
